The beginning to The End...

I don't know how to feel my heart is heavy with the pain of knowing this should have happened a long time ago but now its officially real....
               A story to long to tell and a time too long ago to remember. I conveniently forget all the gut wrenching details of the epic down fall. I need to release all my thoughts and what better way then to write. Some introduction into this hectic life of mine....

Memories of what used to be....

                  Here goes nothing Yesterday I realized that it was not the things he said it was the way he said it. The fact that remains is not when he said it the fact is he always felt this way about me, and I knew this deep down and I still stayed. But staying only made things worst cause I was giving none of what he needed. I always question why I stayed when I knew it was not working. Always giving that complete I Don't Give a Fuck attitude.When I did care but was too hurt to fix what needed to be mended. It was not fair and it was not right to him and let alone to me. I always thought in my mind that Love changes and we can make it work.
                  Or so I thought. I am a scorpio and so is he we are not compatible on so may levels but I didn't want to believe it. They say time heals all wounds and this is the first day to a new beginning. Fresh with pain on my mind and in my heart. Why am I so hurt? I knew we was poison for each other from the beginning when things started off on the left foot instead of the right. Now Im here all alone in a beautiful apartment reflecting on the past 7years of my life. Im only 24 and I can start a new but I have to be able to let go of my past. You can break down a women but a real women will pick her self up and come back stronger then ever. Its time I learn to get back in love with me I fell out at a time when I thought all I had was him and a select few but now theres none in my corner and all I have is my Mac and internet LML.


ln New York, you're always looking for a job, a boyfriend or an apartment. Let's say you have two out of three and they're fabulous. Why do we let the thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?


I can't completely say why I was unhappy with the things that I did have. Because in all actuality I don't even know why. But now a boyfriend is not one of them. Wow crazy thought just passed my mind I don't even have  the good friend he was to me. Hmmp smh or was he (I'll figure that out once i sort thru my thoughts) and here I sit alone wondering what my next step is because I have a son that needs me and his father completely. BOOM there is that curve ball . And no he's not young like me he's 34 and should be well established BUUUUUT he's not. Maybe thats why i was so unhappy because I was the back bone when all I needed was his support .We was so far gone that I could not be what he needed me to be and vice versa.The attractive or smart realizes that beauty soon fades and to work on their inner selves and they are trusted friends, kind, loyal, honest and helpful.Those things I am but often I'm misunderstood and I alone sabotage my happiness. Therefore a gift and a curse.Will I ever get my happy ending or will this pain last forever? 


Signed,
Time is taking took long 
(Day1)